Merry Merry Shitmas.

Tis the season to stretch that super-consumer muscle! Don't forget to trample the dude to death! You know, the one opening the door to the Walmart. THE FUCKING WALMART, PEOPLE.

Anything Christmas-related makes me grit my teeth and want to punch things.
frenzied debt-inducing shopping? why thank you, I'll pass!
decorating the outside of the house? no thanks!
carolling? you know what? no.
egg nog? *vomit*
Oh and whoever decided that christmas music needs to start playing the day after halloween should be tarred and feathered. Straight up.

It's all fucking horrid. Well all except when you're in the mall and you see that one little kid that's clearly not diggin sitting on santa's lap, yet the parents MUST have that picture taken and the kid's just screaming away, throwing a tantrum? yeah that makes me giggle like a school girl. LOVES it.

"HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRI-..." Shut up Santa, just. SHUT.UP.

Oh and...

The website is still not ready to go. Will it be this year, you ask? I have no fucking clue.

On a positive note, my account is ready to go at iFriends... Full steam ahead this week on that front.... will post an update when that starts chuggin along... although, you know what? I'm a little nervous... can you believe that? I mean I've done can shows for guys before but they were clients I'd had contact with before in some form or another. I've never done a show for complete strangers before... what if they don't like my show? I know I'll get over my jitters once the camera turns on but it's strange that I'm acually a bit apprehensive. Hmm, weird. Maybe I do have a soul.


You know what? No. Not today.

Damn, I'm a cranky crabby bitch today!
I guess having 4 days off in a row filled with stuffing your face and drinking every glass of wine in reach (and some not even yours) will do that to you.
So Happy Belated Thanksgiving, everyone! Hope ya'll aren't too hungover. I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck that stopped and then backed over me for good measure.
But hey, before this weekend I hadn't a drink in forever and ever. So, what the hell right?
Althought I have discovered that I'm not 22 anymore and don't bounce back after a night of slamming down an entire bottle of wine myself (yes, thats all it took, shut up) like I used to. Actually, when I was 22 it was bottles of grey goose or jose cuervo and then getting up to go to work the next day almost refreshed. Wow, I've really pussed-out since then.
Waking up after 5 hours of sleep after an alcohol induced coma and having to attend to the needs of 4 animals is bullshit. Fuck you aging. Fuck you hard.
I need to teach my dogs to let themselves out to pee.
and feed the cats.
and make coffee.

Do you really need to be a cockbag at 8:00am?

Here's the email conversation I had first thing this morning with our resident shithead co-worker. (every office has one.)

Asshat Dennis: I need the info for Mr. Customer's credit approval ASAP. I'm too busy to come into the office. (mind you he's not my boss, not even above me in chain of command but he works on the road as a salesman and they get snippy since their job sucks, so I help them when I can since we're all on the same team. Apparently he didn't get the "I'm helping you out of the kindness of my heart" memo.)

Me: Ok, give me one sec. to track it down.

Asshat Dennis: I'll be waiting. I'm busy and need it now. (WTF? didn't I just say i was getting it? this motherfucker...)

Me: (4 mins later) Account # xxxxxxxxx approved for $12, 500 - no conditions. Make sure you adjust the recession dates on the paperwork.

Asshat Dennis: Took you long enough. and you mean recision.

Me: Whatever, Dennis. Just make it happen, please. I know you said you're busy, but it's good to see that you're not too busy to check people's spelling in a casual email. By the way, if you want to get technical, its rescission.

Asshat Dennis: oh.

This is my life, ya'll. Now you see why I'd rather sell my panties on the internet.

trying something new...

Ok, new uncharted territory... a paysite with my name on it will be going live soon...
yep. A little nervous, a bunch excited...
I know I should have done it all myself; bought the domain, set up my own account through Epoch or CCBill, and designed it, but I'm lazy and I just wanna try this new medium out so I'm using a multi-model site-type set up... they get half of everything I make and I get to just submit my photos, videos, etc... I've signed no contract and the fine print says all the material is still mine should I choose not to work with them any longer so if i hate it, I still own my own images and content. Will post when it goes live... who knows, maybe I'll love it!

(*having second thoughts*)

BUT I've made a commitment, and although I'm not bound by any contract, I gave my word. So I will work hard give it my all. 'Cause that's how I roll.


Sometimes i feel like,
"Pay no attention to the man, er woman, behind the curtain."

Above: Working in my underoos (complete with messy desk). Below: Finished product. Amazing what a little MAC and hair product can do.


Oddly enough, for someone who never shuts up and has an opinion on, well, everything; I sure an having a hard time with this first post. I feel like it should be magical, witty and fantastic; everything a first blog post should be! A representation and maifestation of pure unadulterated fabulousness! or fabulosity! or whatever!

Oh well, I guess we'll just have to settle on a little bit of mediocraty. Such is life.

Ha! First Blog cherry busted!
Booya! take that, procrastination!