Warning: This post contains insecurities and shit-talking myself.

Disclaimer: This is not how I always feel. This is just a temporary lapse in awesomeness, ok? But it's my blog and I'll do whadawant. :)
*oh, and I'm not fishing for compliments with this post either.

So last night I was thinking a lot about how much I hate working out.

Like really hate it. Like hate it so much that while walking the dogs last night, I was just getting more and more angry at the fact that even after I walked them I was going to have to do an hour of yoga and still not really have made a dent in this "fitness" that I'm supposed to be working on. (thanks, Fergie *side-eye*) I started to feel seriously resentful that I needed to lose weight, NEEDED to get tighter to look better in photos, to get more clients in this "sex business" I work in. Those shitty thoughts that my curves were not really good enough and that I'd never really be as successful as the skinny girls, the girls with perky tits and tiny waists, started creeping in.

I get home and I'm shooting Mr. Darling daggers, because of course it's his fault. How dare he love me the way that I am and let me get like this?? It's his fault that I feel gross and defeated. His fault that he encourages me to love my curves and to love my body like I do. He of course, laughs at me, tells me I need a hug and gives me one. A big, squeeze-the-stuffing-outta-you hug. Of course I feel better and kinda snap outta my funk.

Ok, So yeah, I admit it. I love my body. So why do I get so frustrated with industry standards? Why do I occasional let mainstream ideals and pressures get to me, manipulating my attitiude and outlook? 99% of the time I'm happy as a clam and completely immune to this garbage but the remaining 1%? This post is the remaining 1% consisting of pointless, crappy weakness. *sigh* LOL


  1. Was just going through your blog, and I love it! Really interesting to hear your tales :)

    As far as I'm concerned, I love real women: with natural curves. But it's essential to understand that fitness is primarily important for long term health. While it's definitely annoying to go through it now, I'm sure you'll be thankful in your old days when you still have decent flexibility going on. On the other hand, fitness is half of the task, the other half (the hardest for me) is to eat clean!

    So tell me, have you made any changes since that post? :)

    I bookmarked your blog x


  2. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this note, Rich! I really appreciate it :)

    And yes, fitness is a totally necessary evil and I've been trying to embrace that as much as possible! I'm a terrible procrastinator so I havent made much progress in that area but I'm working on it! :)

  3. You are welcome :)

    Just find a way to make your workouts fun, short, and most of all INTENSE, and you'll be good. We have to make ourselves better in this new decade!

    (I'm feeling the motivational speeches a little too much in this new year lol)